Then, I tried to breast feed for the second time. She wouldn't have any of it. She would root, but she wouldn't actually find the nipple. She would scream and scream until I was in tears. I called in every nurse. Some just stood by and quietly offered suggestions while others took my breast in their hand and shoved it in her mouth. The nurses were throwing around names like "flat nipples" and I was offended. My nipples stuck out just fine!
18 hours after birth Elaina had only eaten once. I finally broke down. I couldn't take the screaming anymore. We gave her formula. You know what? It wasn't the end of the world. Sure, she would have survived without it, but there would have been a whole lot of screaming. Before each bottle, I tried to breast feed. We tried putting formula on my nipples. Nope. We tried sneaking the bottle out and the breast in. Nope. Nothing worked. They wheeled in a massive hospital grade breast pump and I was given strict instructions to pump for 15 minutes every hour. It was exhausting. I watched the clock in agony, waiting for the little hour hand to tell me the news I dreaded the most. Elaina would not breast feed.
24 hours after birth I was able to meet with the lactation consultant. She sat on the edge of my bed and talked for a while. Asked to see my breasts and then watched my horrible attempt to get Elaina to nurse. I waited patiently for her to tell me what I was doing wrong, but there was nothing. The only words of advise that she had for me were "stay calm". Stay calm?! How could I stay calm when my newborn refuses to breast feed and no one is helping me?! She told me to try to nurse before I gave a bottle, but the moment that Elaina or I felt stressed to stop. Whatever. I listened and did what I was told.
36 hours after birth, we left the hospital. I felt defeated. We were given little enfamil bottles to bring home to supplement what my stupid boobs wouldn't give. I sat alone, rocking in our rocking chair, pumping my empty breasts while family cooed over Elaina upstairs. I heard a drip and then another! Milk! There was breast milk dripping into the bottles! That night, Elaina had her first bottle of breast milk.
The next few days were better. Pumping sucked, but at least I could give her breast milk. My sister came to visit and asked if I had tried a nipple shield. I remembered the lactation consultant telling me to try that once my milk came in. Elaina took her first trip out of the house and we headed to Target. I got home, washed the shield with hot, soapy, water, and sat down to nurse. Elaina latched on and nursed for an hour. I cried tears of joy!
At three months, we were finally able to kick the shield. Everything I had read told me that she was nipple confused. It didn't seem that way to me. She took any pacifier and the shield, so it seemed she was plastic confused! I tested my theory and offered her a clean finger to suck on before attempting to nurse without the shield. Two days later, I threw the shield away.
Although off to a rocky start, our breast feeding journey has been amazing! At six months old, Elaina is breast feeding for 10-15 minutes every 4 hours.
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